New Beginings

January 29 2012

Home after a month in Kansas City.  I left feeling I was leaving a part of my self there.  The dark whole remains to my amazement.  I am recovering from depression, and total lack of energy.  I feel I was in a major white fog and didn't care.  Time has presented more clarity, but just a small amount.  My life seems split into two worlds.  I have not been able to find the bridge to feel whole. My energy has left some challenges in my life that I am still working with and am  adjusting too.  Note the font changes.  Life is a fuck train awe.  Enjoying App;e TV and becoming more accustomed to it.  I am also remembering The love and affection Leia and Darrell showered on me.  And the falling in love with Tully I knew would happen.  My Friday the 13th birthday was a wonderful one filled with love; laughter, family, and adventure. 

Christmas 2010

An unusual holiday. Conflicts with my mother since her arrival to my house five months ago. The stress of two family deaths, one in October and another in November. I have been an extensive care giver to my friend and then his widow, along with my mother who requires constant guidance. Weeks of chest pain, physical and stress related I am landed into the hospital for Christmas Eve day and for the next few days. My mother is staying at my cousin's house not far away. My recovery consists of heart monitoring bed rest, no visitors and no stress. Heart congestion appears to be my old friend. So here I lie in bed blogging. I look forward to a new soon.

I carry your heart with me

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in

my heart) I am never without it (anywhere

I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

By E. E. Cummings

I offer this to my close and giving friends, who have been with most of the steps along the way.

At Home

Well, another day in the life. A day of finishing tasks, one by one. Already if have completed 2.5 tasks, with hope to continue. My day started @ 9:30 am and in closing with low energy at 3 pm. Basic chores, rather minor, but meaningful to me. basic accomplishments for my list.